Stress

Stress ... if I weren't stressed, I don't know what I'd be.

I remembered seeing a quote by Bill Cosby at one point ....

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

That's me. I take on too much, get bogged down, then struggle to get out of the hole that I've found myself in. However, that also means that I am low on sleep, not eating healthy & drinking WAY too much coffee. I need to make some changes in order to keep my head above water, or I am going to be worse & worse as time goes on.

I’ve chosen my life — now I want to start living it. ~~~ Bella Swan, Eclipse, Chapter 27, p.616

I have named this blog "My Own Personal Brand of Heroin". I am not a drug user, not by the generally known sense of the phrase.

I am a food addict. Look online & you can find any number of sites that are all about food addiction. One site has a quick bullet list of the signs of a food addict:

Signs of a food addiction and compulsive eating include:

• Preoccupation with body weight and food.
• Eating to relieve worry or stress.
• Continuing to eat even after feeling sick from eating too much.
• Becoming anxious while eating.
• Daydreaming or worrying while eating.
• Depression or mood swings
• Eating too fast and overeating.
• Eating everything on the plate.
• Feeling guilty when you eat.
• Eating much more rapidly than normal
• Eating alone due to shame and embarrassment
• Cannot eat one cookie, or any treat that you really like.
• Binging after a diet.
• Awareness that eating patterns are abnormal
• History of weight fluctuations
• Withdrawal from activities because of embarrassment about weight
• History of many different unsuccessful diets

I can't tell you how many of those apply to me.

So why am I discussing this here? Because I am far past the time that I need to do something about it. I am about to turn 38 years old, I am currently 50+ pounds over the HIGHEST recommended weight for my height (at 5'5", the most I should weigh is about 150 - I'm close to 205 or 210 right now). I need to make some serious changes, and I need to keep a record of my successes & regresses (notice I didn't say failures), so that I can learn from my mistakes, be boosted by the days I 'get it right', and in general, unlearn my bad habits & form new ones.

You'll also see that I am a HUGE Twilight fan, but that's only a part of who I am. While I am making these changes for myself and my family, I am also making them for myself. In Summer 2010, I will be attending one of the Twilight Conventions, and I would like to be proud of the way that I look in a photo - perhaps for the first time in over 5 years. I would like to attend the convention secure in myself, not self conscious & worrying about how I look or if anyone can tell I'm wearing a bodybriefer (read - girdle) underneath my clothes.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one! I invite you to come along with me on this journey!

VM